I hate myself

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I know I shouldn’t think of think, but I kinda hate myself right now. Like… “Hello!? Why you behave like this?” “The world did not owe you, the people around you did not owe you! Behave yourself!” “What attitude are you showing to others? huh!? Calm your tits!”

But shit, I can’t! I just can’t control myself! this is so goddamn killing me! T T Why am i getting mad so easily? WHY! already so less of friends, still never change this fxcking attitude!

OMG OMG OMG T T I REALLY HATE MYSELF!

Regards,
howenhuii

OMG

20170308

There are so so so much things need to settle but OMG I need sleep! Seems like after CNY, my life was messed up. It is so hard for me to catch up everything that I left behind. All the assignment are dragging day by day. BUT! yea, I know it’s my time management problem…spend too much time on trivial things, such as SURFING FACEBBOK YOUTUBE BLOGGER HAHAHA I’m dead.

I’M DEAD!

btw, today I lost RM16+, H&M 15% discount vouchers, Mr Dakbalgi RM5 rebate voucher, UTAR bus tickets… Why? cause I’m noob, I left my purse outside the computer lab. LOL Damn it. Luckily all my cards still with me. But I don’t understand why the person want to take my vouchers?! Hello? I don’t think you going to spend it anyway, YOU ARE FUCKING POOR THAT STEAL OTHERS THINGS! Why are you taking those voucher away?! You have no money to spend! Anyway, lesson learnt: don’t bring too much money to school lol…

Start from today, I’m gonna limit myself to spend not more than RM10 per day till the end of March. I really felt that I spend too much money on unnecessary stuff… like food? I should really control on it.

Still so many things have not done, but hell ya’ GOODNIGHT!

Regards,
howenhuii

Anything

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I hate it so much when I thought we have something, but in the end, it’s just nothing. Am I really that over thinking? Or am I just feeling too good on everything that happened? I’m kind of jealous the relationship between you and me, and you and her. But on what point should I be jealous of? Who am I to you? *urgh* wake up wenhui, you are nothing *rolled eye emoji*.

People said that, don’t chase after the person you like. Increase your own value, and the right person will come to you. Never ever ever depend on the relationship that will pull you down in any way it could be. Be tough, be strong, be independent.

Somehow I just wish there is someone who will listen to my nonsense. Sending me random reply. Say that I’m pretty. Tell me how was his day.

And I can have a hug when I need it desperately.

Regards,
howenhuii

I’m not drunk, I’m just miss you

20170304

There is someone who used to talk to you, send some random messages, saying Goodnight before sleep. But, out of a sudden, you guys do not talk anymore, and that’s very heart breaking. You thought it’s your fault, you try to look back what you said that caused this awkwardness; you tend to send a message asking what’s wrong, but you didn’t do so, because you afraid things will be getting worse. So you remain silent, hoping that he/she will reply your message.

The situation has remained for a few days. You told yourself to move on as life goes on.

After you adjust your though and emotional, telling yourself not to think so much; he/she replied you, like finally. Wow. But he/she tends to ignore the awkwardness that happened, and you tend to forget it. But things that already happened, will not change as you wish.

You start to afraid the relationship you hope, will never last as you wish. You start to over think and overreact; and people just think you are just making things worse. Well, only God you how insecure you are, I guess?

Why making things complicated, when it can be as easy as hell?
Why people don’t speak out, when communication is the only solution?
Why you didn’t tell me, even you do liked me?

If you really liked me, please tell me, and I’m yours.

I’m sad because of you.
I’m happy because of you.

Regards,
howenhuii

How’s life

20170301

Yup, my current life was miserable, like fxck: assignment, presentation, midterm, quiz, events, internship, friendship, relationship(?!)… and the worse part is, I always messed up everything, as usual.

I have that ‘smart’ look that always make people feel that I’m smart, but hell ya’ you guys are wrong! Totally WRONG! I’m just a normal lazy girl but still have some sense of responsibilities. And TBH, the sense of responsibilities is going soon… LOL

This, by far, the most messed up trimester I had. Taking 3 heavy subjects and events together is not a joke. Somehow I was thinking, what my life would be if I didn’t join any events at the first place? Will I focus on my academic? Will I boring as hell? But I believe that I would not know a bunch of people who care about me… I guess?

2017 already passed 2 months, which means 10 month left. I really hope that I learned and improved in this year! The clock is ticking! Wenhui wake up!

Time for assignment le! Arghh!

Regards,
howenhuii

Mr Z

20170228

So, this fella, bump into my life with a sudden…

And it’s hitting me kind of hard.

I never thought of that. We just met for two times, we rarely speak, and we just connect each other through social media. I don’t really know him and it’s will never ever ever be the relationship that I like. I don’t believe love at first sight, and I don’t think he is into me at first too. But, just out of no where, like seriously, something change.

I start to wait for his replies, and look forward for his comments. I tend to include him in my messenger chat list, where I turn off for most of the people. I hope for randomly pop up chat box reply, for something that I’ve commented, or shared, or just a goodnight.

But,

All the uncertainty  make me feel insecure. Do he really likes me? Why is he putting this emoji? What is his relationship with the girl? What is he doing? What he think of me? Maybe he is just flirting. Or just being nice. He surely got a lot of friends. They are close friends I can see that. We barely know each other, what he can think of me? Seriously?

I think I’m losing myself. All the question and answer are wandering in my mind. How I wish there is someone that can tell me what should I do, but I just don’t know how to tell others about this goddamn story.

I should doing my assignment and study for midterm instead of think this stuff, right?

Regards,
howenhuii

First blog post

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Yes, new blog AGAIN hahahaha… I used to use blogspot last time, but just wanna try out something new. So let’s see how long howenhuii.wordpress.com can survive… hahahaha

There are so many thought in my mind that I really want to share out, but somehow, those words just stuck in my mind and never came.

Maybe I’m afraid how others will think of me;
Maybe I’m afraid others will not accept who I’m really am;
Maybe I’m afraid I might hurt somebody;
Maybe I’m afraid I’m the one who will getting hurt…

Well… I can’t tell;
And I shouldn’t care so much anyway, hahahaha

Done for the first post, still figuring what style should I use.

Whatever, I guess?

Regards,
howenhuii